The longer the journey, the more intense the emotion, the more 'one' he becomes. As he sits in his little translucent shell, far removed from the rest, he watches himself accept, struggle, strive, adapt and grope. Like a brand new friend, he watches over, ever-present and ever-elusive. It is the only way he knows how.
I think it is imperative for a person to feel profound grief as it is to experience ecstatic joy. This constant flux of emotions is one that keeps his mind from going benign and the soul complacent. There is also a comfort of sorts as I travel, watching life pass by while a story plays out a movie of vivid colors and imagination in his head. I also find it unnervingly coincidental that the music from the device is completely apt for the events unhurling in his mind and outside my being.
The big hard sun has gone behind the curtains as she begins to weep. It is annoying. It is also calming. Though I'd rather see her smile and I imagine so would he. Another day perhaps..
The gentle rumble of the train lulls him to sleep. One of those contented kinds that are short, eventful and extremely deep. He dreams of something very vivid and a little too real to be ignored. Getting up with a jolt, realizes he has been biting his tongue again in his sleep. It is a tick that seems to be evolving into a habit. Thinking back over this, the pain coupled with the vice-like grip does bring about a comfort of sorts. The pain reminds me of how it is to be alive and the grip, a comfort a childhood quilt would bestow in the night against the monsters.
Amusing, this little mind of ours. Amusing beyond compare and belief..
A fantastically written little book - 'In a Strange Room' by Damon Galgut coupled with the make-believe non-fiction of one's life has played a strong part in its creation.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Within Me, Without You.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Puttu!
Someone shared his innermost feelings with me, requesting for anonymity. I have tried to put them in words..
She is my shining star,
With her beside me, I stand to become a czar.
She screams at me with ease,
But her smiling breath fills the spring breeze.
She's my morning angel,
The queen of my castle.
I call her puttu, and she shies away.
If I mess around with her, she'll make me pay.
She'll frown and she'll stamp.
But on a dark night, she'll light a love lamp.
The shuga love can kiss away any pain.
When the skies will open, I'll dance with her in the rain.
She smells like a blooming garden.
So beautiful, she could be the next face of Elizabeth Arden.
Her lips are softer than the rays of the morning sunlight.
Her touch is warmer than a bonfire on a chilly night.
When she's in my arms, her smell gives me a glance of bliss.
When she whispers to me, I want to lose myself in her tender kiss.
Every breath of her's spells eternity.
Every evening spent with her is my serendipity.
Against all odds is the existence of our love.
She stands by me when I have no beyond or an above.
I will love her forever, till the sands of time tell our story.
I will love her forever, till stands the writer of our history.
She is my shining star,
With her beside me, I stand to become a czar.
She screams at me with ease,
But her smiling breath fills the spring breeze.
She's my morning angel,
The queen of my castle.
I call her puttu, and she shies away.
If I mess around with her, she'll make me pay.
She'll frown and she'll stamp.
But on a dark night, she'll light a love lamp.
The shuga love can kiss away any pain.
When the skies will open, I'll dance with her in the rain.
She smells like a blooming garden.
So beautiful, she could be the next face of Elizabeth Arden.
Her lips are softer than the rays of the morning sunlight.
Her touch is warmer than a bonfire on a chilly night.
When she's in my arms, her smell gives me a glance of bliss.
When she whispers to me, I want to lose myself in her tender kiss.
Every breath of her's spells eternity.
Every evening spent with her is my serendipity.
Against all odds is the existence of our love.
She stands by me when I have no beyond or an above.
I will love her forever, till the sands of time tell our story.
I will love her forever, till stands the writer of our history.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Rocky's Bucket is here!
Boy, don't we just love the bucket list! To continue what my man, Mudi began, we have the beautiful Rocky's list here:
1) Get a tattoo
2) Walk the red carpet in Cannes and pose for a photograph
3) Go Deep Sea diving
4) Buy a Louis Vuitton Bag
5) I want my man to propose to me in the most romantic way – preferably kneel down and slip away a solitaire in my finger
6) Pierce my belly
7) To be pampered all the time (24/7) (!!!???)
8) Make love by the beach
9) Buy a house - makeover with antique décor
10) Sponsor a child’s education
11) Show more & more love towards my family
12) Stop annoying him someday! He hates getting wet in the rain, so dancing in the rain with him! :)
13) Have children (4) and see my daughter become a Tennis star
14) Travel with him to the most exotic places
15) Walk on the beach at sunrise and sunset-only him and I
16) Adopt all the street dogs and have a dog home for them
17) Be happy and make others happy
18) Have a romantic dinner in an exotic island (wine and lobsters on the menu)
19) Sip my cup of tea every morning in peace, in my house, in my own front yard, staring at the sea!
20) Have a huge collection of Diamonds & Watches
21) Learn all forms of Latin American dance
22) Become an interior designer some day
1) Get a tattoo
2) Walk the red carpet in Cannes and pose for a photograph
3) Go Deep Sea diving
4) Buy a Louis Vuitton Bag
5) I want my man to propose to me in the most romantic way – preferably kneel down and slip away a solitaire in my finger
6) Pierce my belly
7) To be pampered all the time (24/7) (!!!???)
8) Make love by the beach
9) Buy a house - makeover with antique décor
10) Sponsor a child’s education
11) Show more & more love towards my family
12) Stop annoying him someday! He hates getting wet in the rain, so dancing in the rain with him! :)
13) Have children (4) and see my daughter become a Tennis star
14) Travel with him to the most exotic places
15) Walk on the beach at sunrise and sunset-only him and I
16) Adopt all the street dogs and have a dog home for them
17) Be happy and make others happy
18) Have a romantic dinner in an exotic island (wine and lobsters on the menu)
19) Sip my cup of tea every morning in peace, in my house, in my own front yard, staring at the sea!
20) Have a huge collection of Diamonds & Watches
21) Learn all forms of Latin American dance
22) Become an interior designer some day
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
The bucket's dripping now!
To join the list of my fellow-dreamers, here's my own, thought-filled, ambitious, bucket list!
1) Drive a Ferrari one day, preferably, mine!
2) Stand in front of the Ferrari factory in Maranello, and pose for a photograph pointing at the huge scarlet behind, post it on fb and name the pic, 'that's the prancing horse behind me!! tee hee hee'. All this, after having seen ferrari do a 1-2 in Monza, and have had blared my lungs singing the italian anthem amongst the tifosi.
3) Meet Michael Schumacher and Salman Khan
4) Donate a lot of money to Being Human
6) Start my own education trust, and be alive to see a lot of kids educating themselves
7) Live by the sea (yes Mudi, me too!)
8) Serve food in my own restaurant
9) Have children, and see the boy become a race driver
10) Walk on a very clean beach at sunrise and senset, alone
11) Walk on that same beach at sunrise and sunset, only 'her' and I
12) Jump off a plane (the legal way)
13) Para glide off a cliff in new zealand, and over the sea
14) Watch the Monaco Grand Prix, from a yacht
15) Buy a house and see my parents playing with my kids in the frontyard.
16) Show more love towards my parents and family
17) Travel a lot
18) Swim naked in the beach (Yes, Mudi. Preferably, not with you!)
19) Write a book on my life, with some fictional touch.
20) (This is a new one) Become a brand manager at/around ferrari( a few years after which, I'd say adieu to the corporate world)
21) Take 'her' to some of the most exotic places in the world.
22) Own 100 pairs of shoes
1) Drive a Ferrari one day, preferably, mine!
2) Stand in front of the Ferrari factory in Maranello, and pose for a photograph pointing at the huge scarlet behind, post it on fb and name the pic, 'that's the prancing horse behind me!! tee hee hee'. All this, after having seen ferrari do a 1-2 in Monza, and have had blared my lungs singing the italian anthem amongst the tifosi.
3) Meet Michael Schumacher and Salman Khan
4) Donate a lot of money to Being Human
6) Start my own education trust, and be alive to see a lot of kids educating themselves
7) Live by the sea (yes Mudi, me too!)
8) Serve food in my own restaurant
9) Have children, and see the boy become a race driver
10) Walk on a very clean beach at sunrise and senset, alone
11) Walk on that same beach at sunrise and sunset, only 'her' and I
12) Jump off a plane (the legal way)
13) Para glide off a cliff in new zealand, and over the sea
14) Watch the Monaco Grand Prix, from a yacht
15) Buy a house and see my parents playing with my kids in the frontyard.
16) Show more love towards my parents and family
17) Travel a lot
18) Swim naked in the beach (Yes, Mudi. Preferably, not with you!)
19) Write a book on my life, with some fictional touch.
20) (This is a new one) Become a brand manager at/around ferrari( a few years after which, I'd say adieu to the corporate world)
21) Take 'her' to some of the most exotic places in the world.
22) Own 100 pairs of shoes
Sunday, June 12, 2011
The Bucket of Lists.
Yesterday, the Rainbow and I enjoyed the day for what it was.
Nothing more, Nothing less. No expectations. No comparisons. None of it and it was nice. We smiled at near strangers, faced a mean sleeping cat, made silly jokes on body parts and saw my first 3-D movie on the big-screen.
Towards the end, we realized, we may have the answer to life even if we refuse to look at the solution. Here's a list of things we hoped to do, some at least once and others to make it a 'furniture' in this vast living room of ours.
11/06/11
The 'bow's list of Happy.
1) Visit Tuscany & Eat.
2) Lie Naked on the Beach.
3) Lose Weight.
4) Travel More.
5) Tell people "I love them."
6) Express More.
7) Dress the way I feel.
8) Learn to Swim.!!
9) Learn Dutch.
10) Want to be taken Piggy-back after a nice night out.
11) More surprise romantic dates.
12) Surprise people more.
13) Wear the 'one' real sexy dress.
14) Make Love in unusual public places.
15) Body-paint someone and photograph the creation.
16) Passionate kisses in the middle of the road.
17) Have a full-house as often as possible.
18) Love & Be Loved.!!
19) "Wants" a karaoke.
20) Inspire & Be Inspired.
21) Don't be afraid to say stuff.
22) Call family more often.
The List of M:
1) Swim in the sea, nude.
2) Bartend in a seedy bar or a loud party.
3) Backpack.
4) Get more tattoos on my life.
5) Stop waiting for the 'second voice'.
6) Grow my hair and pierce my nose. Again.!
7) Experience more (in every sense).
8) Live by the beach.
9) Sky-Dive.
10) Laugh more.
11) Get Dogs.!
12) Write more.
13) Sing more (in the shower).
14) Inspire & Be Inspired.
15) Make love in public places.
16) Love more often than not.
17) Be loved more often than not.
18) Have mangy, creative, free-spirited kids.
19) Don't be afraid to look like a fool.
20) Appreciate more.
21) "Enjoy Today".
22) Call family more often.
Saturday, June 11, 2011
"(...)"
Loneliness..
Surrounded by a million faces and the gaze finds a speck in the corner of the wall to focus on till it becomes a blur. Flitting in between the two images till there is no clear definition but a hazy blur. A blur within a blur some would say, and they wouldn't be wrong.
A closing emptiness despite the pleasures that can be sought at the flick of a wrist and snap of a finger. It doesn't help. Nothing does anymore.
A fear of the known peace or the unavailable familiarity. The new is not just unfamiliar but unliked with a force. Maybe the time has come to hang up these boots and test the theory of the round world.
Maybe, it is time to trust one's instincts no matter how big the loss.
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