Till we meet again...

Last Night, I bade Goodbye to a friend, a close friend.

I shall remember the last few moments, sitting in the backseat of our car parked in front of hers, after one last trip together to a place I had called home for close to 7 yrs. We had laughed, we had eaten, we had tipped our mugs and we had avoided the fateful subject.

Ironic how the last song we heard together (for now) would be 'American Pie' by Don McLean; As we held hands for reassurance and sang along, I could not help but reminisce the time spent together.. the highs, the lows and the valleys.

As the song faded and we hugged, passing an unspoken word for the pleasure, gratitude and joy of moments, emotions.. a life shared together came the haunting tune of 'Save Tonight'....

Good bye 'My Anchor', I'll see you soon....

Tribute - to the one who taught me my first cuss word and shaped my heart.

mama, gimme one last kiss tonight,
your baby boy is growing up, dead right..
Hey mama, come dance one dance with me,
hold me tight and lets twirl like it was meant to be..

mama, remember those nights of hot cocoa,
ha ha's with sniffles and food fights galore,
Hey mama, smile that smile and light that glint,
you lit the fire and you replaced the flint...

I went away, to search for my light..
I found anchors and myself, up for a fight,
I found a unicorn, to lose it and not want it any more
I found an angel who, is precious and is my rainbow..

Ma, you warned me of the bad and the ugly,
but you forgot the devils within, surely..
I found my mud throwers, and i got dirty, what luck.
they slung, and i slung and we laughed in the muck.

I may not knock as much, I may not dial so much
We may not complete ones thoughts as such.
but we share the same fire albeit for different races,
Just smile and wave ma, i'll take care of the bases..

To the giant who danced with the devil in blue shorts and lives to tell the tale with a smile...
... so far :)

Much love.

Me, me, me ... and I

I walk around this enclosure I call Home and all I can think of is myself; my missing rainbow, my directionless career, my third-party vendor status, my lack of understanding of all things supposedly important, my inability to be understood by others rather those I call family. Surprisingly or rather not, I am obsessed with myself.

I wonder how selfish I am.

I wonder if this is normal. I wonder if I even care to put it up on a public post that can be viewed by people I may or not care about, as I lay bare my insides.

The realist in me.. however small, wants to put his head down and get 'responsible' in life, for once;however, mundane that may be. And at the same time, the idealist in me wants to continue this life of meandering as I explore people, places and experiences.

Who do I listen to?
the dying idealist or the strengthening adult..

Do I have a choice?
Each one provides me with something. Each one takes away something that I am.

What do I want; What do I not need.

How selfish is love?
If I love the person and want her to be with me, will I love her enough to let her go her way when she has to? I like to think I would, is that love or is it just me consoling myself.

How selfish are emotions?
Every one of them revolves around me and me alone.

Some say, 'selfish' is being obsessed with oneself irrespective of others.

I wonder how selfish I am and if i give two hoots whatever the answer may be.

Note: This is an old post/thought that failed to make it to the blog, for reasons unknown. I have moved on from this state though and I now wander with a smile as goofy as one on morphine...

Rant on your parade..

I feel like a rant ..coming.

Very soon..

Blues of a different shade...

Wind ruffling my hair and in my face,
Soft smooth music flits onto my ears
Doesn't take much as my mind wanders,
Thoughts as flimsy as silky lace,

The sun peeks out,
a tongue in the expanse of it's mouth.
It's breezy, like a caressing whisper,
perfect for a hand in hand canter..

Half closed eyes, dim the lights but take in the sights.
hands by my side, empty and morose; solitary kites..
the nerves are numbed and not an intoxicant around,
lolling along like a loose bolt on shaky ground..

I wonder where we're going, unsure and suddenly uncaring
I did not want this to stop, like many other things in my being
Alas, the fat lady did sing and down came the house of cards
Am I as selfish as one can be or is it just a matter of lonesome hearts..

I wonder how important a name is
Some say we can work around this
Others say, 'what's in a name?'
Apparently, a whole shit lot that can maim.

I miss my rainbow with colors so bright and different hue..
There's so much color outside, yet all i see are shades of grey
I shiver, not from the cold but from the absence of the warmth
The memories I conjure in a bid to keep me warm and poised.

Distance, the eternal enemy...
Should we fight and hold on or give up and let go..
Funny how Love tends to be cruel and heartless..
Let's sing, dance and be the plastic bag on a windy day...