Darkness and it's Shadow

Another wasted day in bonded labour, I contemplate as I walk back from my routine rendezvous with my favourite 'stick' - most consider it a vice, I just let it be for now. As I make the arduous journey to my seat - they make an appearance, all 3 at once, which is quite rare.. idum as always is ranting about the need for a revolution, marie is excited about the other 'voice' we seem to interact with quite often these days and mudi as always is very reserved and guarded with regards to the various implications.

Marie has just made her arrival known to us, and she is still an enigma. We knew she existed yet she was always regarded as that old Banyan tree that everybody acknowledged but ignored; right until the tree spoke. I figure she's the oldest and yet the more naive, I may be wrong - wouldn't be the first time. I also hope neither mudi nor idum influence her and rather let her discover her own Voice. It is imperative for my growth that she does.

They all have a story.. perhaps another day, another time.

On my return journey, I come across a number of people who I have interacted with, one way or the other and each glance is met with a vague smile or a knowing acknowledgement.. I haven't made up my mind on them all yet. I want to explain, to probe, to question, to evaluate (that would be mudi, as Sue is so painfully aware of) and I want to explore. I long for an ear; I had a willing ear but I guess I let that go by with my ignorance, one i'm afraid will never come back - Yes, Shruts, I can be a monumental klutz when you think about it. =)

Maybe, THIS is the long-awaited ear I have yearned for and not the kind i have been searching for. 'Timing', unfortunately has never been my super-power.

It is time to go home, but I fear the familiar environment and the impeding emotions it brings along. I'd rather stay here in this place that makes me uncomfortable only because it makes me question. Questions without the answers or answers that I do not want to know. Someone once said, "If you are drawn to unhappiness, you will never run short of friends" - I wonder how sad or popular he may have been. I know him not but I, for the sake of argument shall acknowledge his grasp on the subject to have made such a statement.

Desolation -
Is it something we crave for knowingly or unknowingly?
What is it that draws us to this bleakness?
Why is every conquest of a hill followed by a despairing plummet to a valley?
Does it make us appreciate the good things better?
Is it an inbuilt flaw in the character?
Does this make me a degenerate?

We yearn for the highs yet we constantly mire in the lows. As I pose these questions, I can picture the swift flow of 'rebukes'... the gesticulations, the views and the so very true messages of pick-ups. I understand but I shall side-step them all, just this once. All it needs to get past this is a knowing hug, maybe a distant but feeling smile.. maybe it needs more than that. This is more personal than I intended to make it and it will get its share of disapproving clucks, and shakes - There is nothing to Gain here and possibly all to Lose, but it's here and I guess it shall be.

Que sera sera - Blood does taste sweet.

Happy People make me happy;
Sad People intrigue me;
Angry People amuse me;
Confused People inspire me.

I guess this is truly a musing of a muddled mind, albeit temporarily. And I shall be back to my usual gloating self not far from now -- mudi wants to add a humor quotient to do damage control, idum says 'Fuck It! -Let's make people uncomfortable and get them thinking'... and I think I hear marie whisper, 'It's alright, those who need to know will figure it out, if they must and the rest will do what they have to'.

I wonder if the need for pain overrides the need for contentment.
~mudassar