Confessions of a Morbidly Vain Being.

I sometimes imagine my own death. Nothing too extravagant. Usually, it's a heart-attack and sometimes it's a gun-shot or a stab wound. There's one problem with that though, I can never settle on the place where I will be shot or stabbed. Should it be the head, the torso or maybe right to the heart. Each with its own set of pros and cons. Who would've thought deciding where one is to be shot could be so troublesome. 


But, whatever it was it would always be a personal death and not a group kind largely associated with terrorist activities. I guess it's my own parade and I am unwilling to share. Vain as it may sound.


Sometimes, I wonder if I'd have a happy funeral. The kind which is full of friends, laughter and memories. Maybe a few tears but not too many. I like the happy memories much more. I don't think there'd be any of that kind considering my family's religious beliefs. But, I suppose the closer ones can throw one for me in one of my favorite places. I have a few and I think the'd tip a mug and tilt their heads with a smile. I definitely hope there'll be music.  


I've always wondered what my last thoughts would be. Would it be like the oft-recited commercially believed theme that my whole life flashes before me.? Maybe I will spend the last few moments thinking of the special people or maybe of my mistakes.. Personally, I hope I spend it on the special people. That would be a nice way to go. 


While after-life has all its share of glory and mysticism, its the moment prior to it that has my morbid fascination. I've also always wondered if these thoughts are shared by everybody else. I'm pretty convinced they are. That free-fall as you jumped off a window or the chair with a hug on your neck. Maybe the onrushing sleep, so deep you just can't wait thanks to those brightly colored gum-drops. Or, that push on the little curved metal down your throat. 


Fascinating to say the least..


I also wonder how long I would be remembered for before I'm just another note on a tree and this scares me more than anything. The thought that I'd be forgotten for not having been important enough..




PS: Whenever it is that this does happen, I always believed it is our fundamental right to have all our viable organs donated. I'd like mine to as well. There, that's the official statement. Someone better make sure this happens. =)