The Step.

Fear.

The Fear of losing. The Fear of loving. The absence of determination in the face of adversity. The presence of a road-block on the path to normalcy. It never fails to rear it's ugly head along with its twin sisters, insecurity and panic. The Fear of disappearing. Within the realms of ones surroundings as it engulfs the very existence of this being.

Never fails. An ever-present hand on your shoulder. Like a hunger pang that gnaws within yet prevents you from satiating it. Never disappoints. This Fear within.

These were the words that raced through her as she sat on that wooden chair facing her bed as she stared out the tiny window from the corner of her eye. It had been a good one hour since the hot shower was over. The one that was supposed to imbibe the determination or at the very least the false dawn of determination. Yet, here she sat, still. On her chair, half-numb and completely naked from the outside but even more stark from within. A shroud of numbness had descended over the being. She knew she needed something and to an extent even knew how and where to get it but just couldn't build the urge to get it. Terrible thing this.

So she does what she does best, and that is to dream with eyes wide open. Does not realize that the bell has been ringing for the last 15 minutes. Does not care. The washed clothes need to be hung yet they lie in a damp squib inside the washer. The weather is bleak but the promise is bright. It is ripe for the picking only no one seems to want it so much.

Does wanting something more than anything scare her from taking it. Or, maybe it is just living in the past. Maybe, it is time to leave all of it behind. She had friends who lived in the past, some in the present and a few in the future. But there were also many who didn't live at all for fear or hope of a better possibility. It was easy to over-see all this from purgatory. The worst of both worlds and yet perfect for a voyeur. Just perfect.

A simple step, that's all it takes - she said in her head. Let's take the first step and worry about what comes next later.. One Step. That's all it needs. One Step.